My boyfriend confessed to me the other night that 2 years ago, he had slept with 2 of my friends, one of which in our house during a party I was hostessing.
I'm so torn b/c i still care for him but have become very ugly in the last few weeks since finding out. I do nothing but belittle him, insult him and basically verbally abusing him. I mean I'm friggin nasty and just cold hearted to him now.He says he never meant to hurt me and wants to change and admits he has become an ugly person. He even made an appointment with a therapist b/c his lies and secrets had also started to extend to his family and just his life in general.
I'm not angel, but I never betrayed him in terms of infidelity. I had my own issues like not having sex, being too dramatic and overbearing at times, but I just can't seem to straighten my mind out over this. Part of me wants to work things out with him, give him the benefit of the doubt he can change..for a long time i was jobless and he maintained our home and food and everything. He was also there for me since my family left my life permanently.
I don't want to be an ugly person, but unfortunately we have a life with pets and a whole apt of stuff, and i can't afford it on my own. He's been staying here and at his mother's on and off, but eventually we need to sit down and figure something out.
Sorry this is so long, I don't know if i need advice so much as just someone to talk to.
I don't have many friends and the ones i do have are married or anti-relationship, I need a balance of sorts.
Thank you.I need relationship advice?
Well im sorrry for your story but my advice is for you guys to talk to each other and have 'TRUST' and that is messed up that he cheated on you with your FRIENDS and i think you guys should stick together because he has been there for you a lot,just try to talk about it and have a moment so that u guys can spend some time together
This happen to my best friend and now they are back together!
Hope it works out!I need relationship advice?
F*ckin' fail. Just leave him, I don't understand why girls are so stupid and love a cheating guy.
ohaky, i am very sorry no offense or anything but he is a jerk like really are you kidding thats what ever guy says he doesnt really care about u if he did he would have come to u then and said it or better yet NOT HAVE DONE IT you are gng to hve some serious problems with him if you dont dump him..i bet y ou hes prob cheating on u now my opinion dump him
It is normal to feel this way , you have been betrayed..But, you aren't married and there isn't a legal commitment and until there is , I find it to be a trial period until you do get married. It's a good thing you are finding things out now..I would go to counciling,and find out what to do. Some people can grow and get closer but they also have to be open minded and forgiving. You will have to win his trust back and you must forgive him , or you will not move closer to each other , you will only get farther and resent each other more and more.. The good thing about it, is ,,,,True love is forgiving and everlasting and will grow and nothing will or should get in it's way. This will be tough but it's all worth it. If you are both honest with each other and really love each other...Move on to the next step and commit your self totally to each other. Sure there will be good and bad days...every relationship has them no matter how good or bad it is..Just ask yourself ,,DO I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM and vice versa. If the answer is yes...Grow and learn..GOOD LUCK!
You shouldn't make a judgement on anything but love,,,not even for money or a place to live no matter how tough times are...
In other words you are sticking by him because the bottom line is you can not afford the expense of moving and all that goes with it. It is kind of hard to feel sorry for you even if it was he who cheated on you. You seem to be using him too. This relationship is going nowhere, not now or ever. Leave now and move on.
sorry you have to go through this. personally, if i were you, i would leave him. yes he admitted that what he did was wrong, but that still doesn't make it right. you don't deserve to be with someone who would do something like that to you, especially with your friends!
i also don't think you need to feel bad for being nasty to him the past few weeks. he screwed up and he needs to deal with the consequences, even if it means losing you. i'm sure that you love him and really want this to work, but life is too short to not enjoy as much of it as you can. i know it would always bother me and it would always be in the back of my mind that be betrayed me. i know right now it probably seems like the end of the world, but i promise it's not. and you're right, two wrongs don't make a right, so revenge will do nothing but make this situation worse. but just remember, everything happens for a reason. all i can say is just follow your heart...you'll make the right decision.
Okay, let's see...the thing I'm noticing is that he told you that he did that two years ago. So have things been okay sexually and emotionally between you two for the most part since then? Obviously everyone is having financial problems right now and that defiantly can pull people apart emotionally and even physically, but if you two have been pretty good since then...then it was probably just a few time thing and he really isn't going to do it again.
But...if things have been really messed up since then, he may not feel the same way and as they say 'once a cheater, always a cheater'
I don't know, maybe I didn't help you out much, hah, sorry.
I dont blame you for acting ugly with your boy friend. You sit and talk to him and tell him that you are hurt. That is not a simple trouble to solve because he ignored your feelings when he had sex with your friends. I would be pissed about it and probably would leave him but its just me. Respect your feelings and ask him why he did that. You need to know what he was thinking. That is sad. I wish you luck and remember your decision is yours. Dont let others to decide and control you! Good luck!
Talk to him how u feel tell him u dont feel right with what he does but u want to stay together
sllep with two of his friends
the guy is a bum and a cheat and cannot be trusted.move on asap.
how can you live with someone that cheated on you.
On Yahoo you don't get many serious questions but here, i guess I could have an impact on your life so I will make it a good one...
1. Please don't go hard on him: It get's a guy really depressed and makes him feel like a total idiot (maybe you want him to feel like that) but the point is that he already feels sorry about it and knows he has done wrong. So why add on to his problems? Anyway, it's not going to help at all if you don't have a happy time together. Plus just forgive him and he will be so happy. And you will too. You wouldn't know how happy a man feels when he has done wrong and gets forgiven for it. You feel like you are the sun so happy and glad that the problem is over, like you were carrying the world and finally found a safe place to rest it.
2. Wear off the sharp edges of the relationship. If you can straighten out at a nice discussion what he did wrong and why he is sorry for it than this is going to get 4 times easier. And after he says he is sorry just say, ';I forgive you';. I will bet you will see a smile on his face that touches both his ears.
3. Don't make him let go of the lies that are very personal about his family problems. Yeah he can keep them to himself for now, once you guys are in a more serious relationship he will be wanting to tell you. This will make your job so much easier.
I hope this helps,
I hope you are happy,
I hope you straighten things out,
Regards
every relationship has it's strengths and weaknesses. Although he did make the mistake of sleeping with two other woman, who happen to be your friends, he is making an effort to turn things around. And he did admit it too you. That takes a lot of courage. If you truly think he can and will change, you should stay with him. This will never blow over, because it will always be in the back of your head, but it sounds like he's a great guy who has been with you through a lot. If you are both willing to make things work, i think you guys will be able to last. best of luck !
OK, so you're a *****, have lived off this guy, withheld sex and are full of drama? And HE';S the one going to therapy? Sounds like more than a few things going on. The fact he cheated? Well heck, it doesn't sound like you were providing much more than crazy...but it doesn't excuse it. If you care about him at all, stop using him and get on with your own life. Find a place to live you can afford and be decent.
It' not good to make a reason to stay with him, money. You should chose to stay with him because you love him, not because he's got money. But, I do understand that you rely on him, and it's really hard to just go off and support yourself.
For words of comfort, when my parents were dating, dad cheated on mom, but they worked it out, and they've been together for like, 27 years now. So it worked for them.
On the bright side, he did tell you, so he loves you.
I think you answered your own question to a certain extent. You need to sit him down and talk about this face to face.
Love is a difficult thing. Once you have it, no matter what happens, it's very hard to give up. That said, what he did was wrong. He did not sleep with a random person. It didn't happen one time when he was drunk or upset. It didn't happen in some motel room he rented. He had sex with two of your friends. Two of your friends. One of those times, he had sex in your house while you were entertaining guests. It's truly hard to get lower than that.
Understanding that, the question of whether or not to continue the relationship, whether or not to forgive him, is nearly impossible to answer. The questions you need to ask yourself are twofold: 1) Can you ever trust him again? and 2) Do you really want to?
If you can force yourself to trust him again, what logic could you have behind the decision to trust him? It took two years for him to tell you about his infidelity during which time it seems you had no idea. Even if you forgive him and begin to trust him again, the way you trusted him in the past, how could you ever feel completely comfortable knowing in the back of your mind that he very well could have had another affair without your knowledge.
Alternatively, most people deserve a second chance. It's up to you to decide if you think he falls into this category. The situation is obviously complicated by the life you two have built together and your current financial instability. Maybe the answer is to talk to him, listen to his side of the story, listen to what he wants to say and ask what he wants out of the relationship. Once you've finished talking things over, I'd say you tell him that you need a break. If he's a true man, he'll own up to his mistakes and give you your space by moving in with his mother full-time for a while. Clearly he has some problems that he needs to work out (beyond infidelity) and hopefully he can get some help to work through those problems.
There's no reason this relationship can't work out, but it seems that neither of you are currently able to be in this relationship. Take some time, straighten your lives out, think things over. Continue to talk and try to rebuild things. More than anything, make sure that he understands that while you love him, he did something terrible and it's going to take you a long time to get over it. He needs to know that you understand the problems he's going through in his life but he also needs to see that you've got your own problems and you have not responded to them by breaking his trust. Finally, he needs to get it through his head that this kind of thing is unacceptable and if you decide in a while that you want to start things up again, anything like that happening ever again means the end of the relationship for ever. No questions asked.
If you need someone to talk to, you can message me (though I'm not on very often).
Good luck with everything and stay strong. This is a terrible time for you, I'm sure, but in time, regardless of the result, things will work out.
EDIT: Okay, so he was drunk. It doesn't change a thing, but you seem to know that. Also, I apologize if I was mistaken about your financial situation. If that doesn't factor into this situation, then just forget I mentioned it.
I think you need to forgive but not forget. Talk with him, and do some listening too. It's hard for guys to really express what they feel or why they do what they do. And by the way don't blame only him. If you love him and he loves everything will be fine.
Go to counseling with him.
After 2 years of (hopefully) him being faithful and him seemingly making the effort now to fix the relationship (with the therapist), it makes sense to try to figure out if it can still work. You seem to want it to work somehow, and not just because he brings in some money.
Give it a go. If the counseling doesn't help or you decide you want to end it anyway, you'll always have that option.
Not everyone is perfect. Your boyfriend I would learn to for get and for give cause the longer you keep thinking about it the more your gonna start making him feel ever worse about. The friends that he did mess around with behind your back i would never trust or talk to again.
But I think he is worth keeping really, if he is willing to get help to change for you and his family than give him a chance.
Sometimes everyone needs a second chance. and if things don't get better between you it would be best to just fine someone else to live with till you can fine a place on your own.
Dont try to make the relashionship sound like its all about money make sure you guys spend time with each other and talk to each other and let the other know you love them.
hopefully this will help you can email me back if you like:)
-veronica.
well maybe you should talk to him bout it i mean it seems that he really loves u eventhough he slept with ur friends....so what..get over it....it sounds like he has changed for the better....plz go back to him he seems good 4 u....
I believe that you and your bf shouldnt break up, sure he cheated on you but still he's willing to go to a therpist to fix it and stay with you i think believe you should stay with him and hopefully you can get married :)
After 5 years and no marriage is a waste of time. But it seems like you're stuck since you can't support yourself on your own.
Well doll, I am a total anti-cheater. Ive never cheated and never will but I sure have been cheated on. 5 years is a long time to throw away...however I tend to believe once a cheater always a cheater. Why did he decide to tell you after 3 years? I know its hard to think about him with someone else and espechially your friends, omg, but you need to decide what to do. You can A: forgive him, move on and try to have a happy future together or B: leave him.
You cant stay with him and repeatedly punish him forever. Thats not fair..not that it was fair for him to cheat on you either. Some couples get through it, some do not. Its all about what you want. If you love him and truely believe he is sorry, then go with your heart. But keep in mind that it could happen again and then its your fault for taking him back. So you need to be prepared for that. If it were me, I wouldnt take him back...however hard it would be. I just know that every time I looked at him, he would make me sick, just the mere thought of him touching someone else would make me want to vomit. But whatever you do you have to decide...you cant punish him and be with him at the same time...thats not healthy for either of you. ANd you can make it on your own...dont ever depend on a man for support. If you let it be known that you cant make it without him, he will take note of that and feel that he can do whatever he wants cause you have no other choice than to stay with him. Im sure youre stronger than you think...so dry the tears, dust off the anger and live your life the way you want to live it. In the end, all we have is ourselves.
every relationship has problems, its how you deal with those problems that makes it or breaks it. try to work it out.
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