I'm being honest here, I don't have much relationship experience and unfortunately I'm entering one right now thats rather complicated.
So: Theres a wonderful girl, she was in a relationship for 1 1/2 years with a guy who treated her kind of badly and shes come out of it alright (took a few attempts but she eventually decided to get away from him) Now we had been friends for a few months previous and there was a bit of a spark but we never did anything.
So she comes out of the relationship, about two months later I ask her on a date and things go well. She has some intimacy issues so I haven't really been able to do anything besides hug her occasionally. After our date she tells me she doesn't want to get into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing (yet) and wants to see other guys. This left me hurt but I could understand because her previous relationship left her a bit exhausted. A part of me took it as a nice way of saying ';lets just be friends';....
Fast forward two months!
We stay in contact and see each other once or twice, I let her know exactly how I feel about her (that i'm mad about her) and she essentially pushes me away completely. I did something I'm not proud of, I asked to pick between seeing me or seeing other guys. She picked other guys.
She was very annoyed at me and later admitted she was upset for the entire week about it and felt like I had betrayed her trust, I felt like an asshole. We talk again about a week later and she explains a massive amount of stuff to me and explains a lot of issues she has (I mean, she tells me a lot and more than she tells her closest friends which made me feel like she really, really trusted me) She is extremely busy (for reason I won't go into but its college) and tells me that essentially when the Summer comes she might feel ok pursuing her feelings for me and tells me she isn't seeing other guys at the moment (which I let her know relieved me, she told me she got jealous when I saw someone else and I let her know that I felt jealous when she was seeing other guys)
It all seemed fine, and we would kind of playfully flirt and text a lot but not see eachother much (literally once every two-three weeks, she doesn't see any one much more often than that.....) She admits herself that she has a lot of problems and is kind of neurotic. Admittedly i'm not as bad as she is but i'm certainly a bit neurotic (i'm posting my worries on a public website looking for advice off people I don't know ain't I?)
At this stage, I felt like we were progressing and I honestly don't mind waiting around for her to feel comfortable, I let her know all this.
But then I was weird, I checked out a profile she has on a social network and found that (only very recently) she has constantly started talking to lots of random guys from her college literally until 3 in the morning some nights, some very flirty and some casual. I'm just left worrying...
She knows it would bother me, and If I was doing it it would certainly bother her a lot more.
All I know is, she doesn't put much priority to me. That would really annoy me under most circumstances but its her honesty and that she has issues which makes me feel like its not so bad.
Like I said, don't have much relationship experience (would go as far as to say i'm a klutz!) so maybe this is just the usual growing pains? We have a lot of fun, she does like me, I like her and where before she used to closed off to the idea of a relationship (I believe she actually said it terrified her) she now feels more open and is slowly getting there. The flirting with other guys online thing just makes me uncomfortable, and makes me wonder what she could be doing when she's not online. It kind of damaged my trust of her....
Pfft...anything else.... she definitely has an inferiority complex if that makes anything make sense? I don't know, to me its really complicated and I don't quite understand some of it. If you have any advice at all, let me know.
Thats it essentially...... the way I've written it makes it seem so silly... but people If you have an insight tell me:
Maybe I'm being stupid waiting around for her, trying to put pressure on her when she obviously wants out and I'm over eager trying to become her boyfriend. If a girl likes you, it doesn't take months and months to get to kiss her!
or
I should be there for her, help her get past her issues and do my damn best to let her know she's important to me and let her know that although I'm looking for a relationship I'm not trying to rush her into anything.
I've thought about it and over-analyzed it, my fear is that I'm falling in love with her and that really the clock is ticking away until she decides she wants some other guy and i'm left really hurt. I was thinking positively but seeing her flirt with literally six different guys at once, none of whom I know just made me feel small and like I didn't matter to her. A third posA little bit of relationship advice please?
I think she's basically already told you she doesn't want to get into a relationship with you, she doesn't make the effort to see you more than once every few weeks, shes talking to other guys..
i think its safe to say that she's just not that into you.
And it's time to move on.
What you may see as flirting just may be her friendly personality, and if she's already said she doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you, then take it at face value and hear what she's saying.
Don't think, oh well she's a little messed up she just wants to have fun, she had a bad relationship, blah blah blah.... b/c all you're doing is making excuses for her and her behavior when you just need to face the reality that she just doesn't see you like that.
I mean when you DID say me or other guys, she said other guys! I don't know what more you want. She sounds like she's a game player and I do honestly believe you're going to be the one who's left out in the cold and hurt, not her.
You've already tried to tell her how important she is to you and she's heard it. She knows it, and she's done nothing about it but flirt with other guys from her school until the wee hours in the morning.
Move on, and spare yourself the heartache.
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