Need some serious dating/ relationship advice?

I apologize for the fact that this post is so long; for those of you patient enough to read all of it, I give you my sincerest gratitude.





This is NOT a self pity thread; it is merely an attempt to get others to shed some light on my mostly likely faulty line of reasoning.





I’m a 24 year old guy who is down on luck with girls. Despite my valiant attempts to find a girl who is as interested in me as I am in her, I have had zero luck in meeting my goals—to this date, I have never had a girlfriend.


I’m an attractive and reasonably confident fellow (I’m not****!!). I don’t allow people to tread all over me, I engage in a variety of activities outside of school and work (surfing, fishing, snorkeling, swimming, etc) and I have a number of close friends from all age ranges and walks of life. I’m currently attending a top university for my degree in aerospace engineering. I love life and all that it has to offer.


The source of my frustration—and my pain—is the fact that, despite the monumental level of effort that I have placed into attempting to attract women for the past ten or eleven years, I have nothing to show for it. I have had almost no experience with girls, and, unfortunately, it’s reached the point where I desperately need to feel desirable to members of the opposite sex. Relationships and sex are both human needs, and the lack of both in my life has left a gaping hole in my heart and soul. I love women, and it kills me that my love has never been reciprocated.


It’s starting to get to the point where my frustration is turning into anger. How could this not have happened yet? I’m 24 years old! The people that I have talked to about this issue Keep telling me that dating will get easier after college. Easier after college? How can that be possible? With the loans that I’ll have to pay off, the hours that many entry level engineers work (10-12 hours a day!) and the fact that I will likely have to relocate to another part of the country once I’ve graduated, how can it possibly be said that it will be easier? I’ll be in my thirties by the time things settle down! And there are a girls my age who already have kids, are married or engaged! The vast majority of people who attend college have been in relationships during their time there, and I haven’t even held a girl’s hand. Most women expect that a guy has had some sort of experience with other women, especially at my age. My main trouble, I believe, is that I can’t create a connection between myself and girls. I’ve made dozens upon dozens of attempts with the girls in my school and those from the surrounding area, not one of which has led to anything resembling a non-platonic friendship. As stated before, I have a number of friends, and I have no problems communicating with them; I am the best friend of many of these guys, so I know that I must be a “cool dude” and all, so I’m really having trouble being able to fathom the failures that I have experienced with girls. I feel as though I’m being robbed of my humanity and sexuality.


I’ll admit to freezing up when I’m thrown into a new situation with an attractive girl—I’m at a loss for what to say and do; there’s just so much pressure to perform! The last few girls that I tried to date or get to know thought that I was too quiet for them while they were around me. I’m never quiet around the guys!! How can I get over this? What do I talk to them about? Why does it seem like engaging a girl in interesting conversation is a Herculean effort? Should I just kind of ignore them when they’re visiting my house, and hope that my good personality when joking around with friends is good enough to attract them? Agh!!! I’m so lost….


I remember reading in my relationship psychology class that women are primarily attracted to two different types of men; the cads and the dads. I am not a player; I have a heart, and I don’t support the notion that, in order to win a woman’s heart, a guy has to play games and be manipulative. I do, however, possess the confidence that is most often associated with the cad, though, as stated before, I am not confident to the point of being****—I am far too down to Earth to be a loudmouth, loose-cannon type of person. I associate more with the “dad” archetype, in that I’m a more of a thoughtful, good, stable guy. I’m not a pushover, however; I’ll let someone know when they’ve stepped over the line or pissed me off. The “dad” model also is associated with being boring, but I definitely do not consider myself to be boring—It’s a rare occurrence when I’m sitting down and watching TV or just vegging out. I resent that women my age view guys who fit the model of the “dad” as being boring, and that they would prefer to go out with guys with significantly less substance than men of my stature. I know perfectly respectable girls who go out with guys who call them ****es and hoes (in a derogatory sense!!) right in front of them. I am really not willing to wait for women to mature enough to the pNeed some serious dating/ relationship advice?
To me it sounds like you are trying too hard, and women can smell that like dogs smell fear. Relax! Always take care of yourself first and be a bit aloof. You'd be surprised how many people (men and women) I meet at my local bar. All I do is sit there with a pitcher of beer and a crossword puzzle, very non-threateningly until something might come up in conversation. Their guard comes down and great conversations ensue...sometimes leading to more. (This is also a great excuse to ignore the idiot who just sat down next to you and feels like telling you his life story.) I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes less is more and shows more self confidence than sparking up conversations left and right.





Good luck.Need some serious dating/ relationship advice?
You should hire a prostitute to let out all your frustrations
I read your thread and i will offer no sympathy what so ever. :-) But i can't understand what your problem is myself? you just wrote the ideal man speech, no come on it really was.


The only thing i could get from that is that maybe you should stop trying so hard, just continue with with your life and forget about women all together, i know your thinking that you have tried that already, but its strange what you can find when you stop looking. Good Luck
Hey dude....I use to be in your shoes. I use to be a young stud with a busy life and lots of love to give. But women were far and few between...and I thought myself as lucky if I even got the chance to kiss a girl. I had the mindset that I could be the guy every woman said they wanted. I could prove to the world that Niceguys finish first. I had all sorts of insecurities with me as well. The fact that I wasn't good looking. The fact that yes, I'm into computer technology. The fact that I'm shorter than most guys and I'm skinny to boot (If I had boobs and a nice butt I'd definitely have a model's body). And I was lonely often always wondering why I could not pick up women for the life of me.





Here's the thing about you...you're everything I'm not right now...and I'm pretty successful with women these days. Why? Because I changed how I thought about women, about myself, and I learned the skills to pick up women and take things to the next level. It took me a little while, but once I started trying things that were against my best judgement (which by the way wasn't getting me women), I found these techniques actually work.





For some suggestions...first off take everything in your relationship psychology and toss it out the window. Studies don't prove anything. Getting out there and doing things will teach you what you need to know. As well, study from successful people. If you know a few guys who are great getting women, hang with them and have them teach you. Also, research this content. I've provided two sources below where I got my start in the right direction with women.


Second off...everything you're stating about ';why you think you can't get women'; is all limited beliefs. It's not proof that you can't get women. But it's enough to prevent you from being confident to women showing them you're ';the man';....a challenge...a gentleman. You talk about cads and dads. You want to be a dad why? Because you're comfortable and think that maybe it'll land you a woman or two down the road? Think of this...has being a dad gotten you any women? Obviously not Mr. 24-year old virgin. Don't be like me and think you can prove everyone wrong that Niceguys can finish first. It's not realistic and it just doesn't work...period. Think about why women like ';bad boys'; or the ';cads'; as you put it. Because they don't care what women think of them. They're a challenge. Women chase them instead of them chasing the woman. They're confident in who they are...not a clingy needy desperate wuss-boy. See? You're going down the wrong road here my man. I did too...until I took the positive qualities of a niceguy and a badboy and developed myself into a ';gentleman';. Confident, but not abusive. Considerate, but not a push over.


Third...get rid of the idea that you have to act a certain way or say the ';right things'; to pick up women. Women are very intiuitive and they can tell if a guy is faking the funk. You need to learn how to approach women (again the sources below). One thing I would suggest that helped me is get a jump start on the actual approach. Go up to 9 women in 10 minutes at a popular location where women area at. Say ';hello'; to them, introduce yourself and explain why you're talking to them in the first place. The more you approach, the more confidence you'll get. The more experience you'll get! And your sole focus is just approach instead of jumbling your brain with all this other crap of ';what do I say?'; ';how do I get her number?';...because that's where the fear of rejection will set in before you even say ';hello.'; So take baby steps...once you learn how to approach women and overcome that fear...move to the next step...getting numbers. Believe it or not, you can get a woman's digits in 5 minutes or less...depending on how you approach them.





Hopefully my advise from my past...will help you get rid of the rut you're in and get you started going down Chick Lane. You'll thank yourself later when you're getting bounced on the bed and she's on top!
I'm 24 and I have never had a ';long term relationship'; I have had short (up to a year) relationships but that is it and that was 4 years ago! Don't beat yourself up you sound like a good guy. If you don't like the outcome of the situation change it up. What I mean is instead of going to the same places to meet girls go other places. If you are only trying to meet them at work/school try bars/coffee houses etc.





Oh and by the way I prefer the ';dad'; type of guy I got tied of the ';cad'; type of guys a long time. I'm ready to settle down and start building a life with someone. As frustrating as it is give yourself time it will happen (now if only I can listen to my own advice!).
wow, yes that is really long.


yes relationships are great..


but they're also a hassle sometimes.





basically what i think you need to do is STOP TRYING AND WORRYING about getting a girl. when the time is right the time is right. just go out with friends and enjoy yourself.


girls like the guys that enjoy themselves no matter what.


be polite too. i love it when random guys open doors for me.


makes me feel good. heck, ive even gotten numbers from people who hold my door open... after they strike a conversation!





and honestly? i dont believe in the ';cads'; or ';dads'; thing. i believe that there are people with all traits and that dads AREN'T boring and can be a LOT more fun and are a LOT better then loudmouths that just want to get laid or have some slave for them.





a relationship is teamwork.


if you find a girl, become FRIENDS with her first, take it slow and maybe it will grow.





dunno if it helps. if you need any other advice or anything, message me :)
omg tha is a lot t read lol. well i'm in a similar situation i'm 21 but i have been with about 40 women. and cant seem t find the rite 1. but now i think i hav and i think i love her she has a bf KILLER FOR ME. my advice is i make women laugh which makes them wana spend more time wi me this leads to gettin closer and then well you no. not all time but most time it does. i'm not a player or owt so try jst talkin not think long term. it's not like flyin a rocket it is rather easy in fact. i speak from experience altho now i my self hav come t a blockade. i wana be wi sum1 i cant be wi. perhaps it's karma i duno lol hope i helped
You are right - long :)





However, i think i see one possible solution.


The activities and sports are usually solitary events.


You say you do surfing, fishing, snorkeling, swimming (and Etc.)


But those are solitary activities.





Maybe you can consider dropping one or two, and join a hobby group / club. This will assist you in meeting new people, and break the ice about '; what shall we talk about '; because the hobby is the common ground, so always a safe subject.


It takes some time, but you might end up with some extra good friends as a bonus - and a good friend is also valuable.





Think about it. It won`t hurt, and you have been giving a lot of effort, so this is actually fairly simple.





Enjoy, and invite me to the wedding :)
Well you sound really smart and like your a really cool guy, idk wat your problem could be maybe when you go out on dates you should talk to your date like you would talk to one of your guy friends calm down and be your self ,talk about the stuff your into, flirt with the girl. If you have lots of friends like you say you shouldnt have a problem talking to a girl if you find yourself with nothing to say take her on fun dates doing the stuff u like, surfing,fishing snorkiling, a fun situation might give you sum conversation.........good luck
I THINK U SHOULD TRY DATING ,,LADIES WHO R A LITTLE OLDER THAN U,,AND GO DIFFERENT PLACES THAN WERE U HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT,,,GOO DLUCK
I cant help you. It seems like you have done most of the things that one wanting a gf would do. So what now? Relax. It will happen eventually? Lol, bet you heard that 1 before. But yeah continue with your activities. Stop worrying about it so much. I think you just need help with conversation part of it. Work on that. Practise on your female friends. Dont talk shop. Get on the net, go to a chatroom learn to flirt. You wil be okay. Sometimes you got to go through a lot of fishing b4 you catch a fish. And it doesnt hurt to hook a couple b4 you hook the one. And dont ask when. Say It wil happen. You sound like a go getter. And you wil get. Im confident of that.
There are things that you need to understand when it comes to girls/women. Most of us don't like boring/quiet guys. That is, unless you are really hot and we'll tolerate your quietness or lack of imagination. We like guys that talks and listen to what we have to say. As in how you can over come your ';fear'; of having nothing to say to a girl... All you need to do is have a genuine interest in her as a person. Get to know her by asking open ended questions. Also, we like guys that can make us laugh... so adopt a sense of humor if you don't already have one. It's hard to determine what it is that you need to do or what you are doing wrong without seeing you in action. I actually blogged about a similar topic recently. Check it out if you want at http://irisrandomthoughts.wordpress.com/…