Please allow me to give you a short bio of me . I recently moved from new york due to family dysfunctionalities. I arrived in texas and have been seeing this beautiful girl for hmm.. i guess ever since I came here. I was on the phone with her 24 hours during my drive here and I think i have talked to her more than anyone in this world in my life .
I have a dream in my life and I want to start pursuing it in about a year.
But I made a mistake , I gave her my online passwords ( just verbally ) and she saw that I been talking to these girls online saying How pretty their dress looks or things that could be defined as flirting and I feel bad about it .
She saw this and didn't tell me any thing other than just making small fun of it because she likes me a lot , yes a lot.
And now i am stuck because I feel like I screwed up big time and I am afraid if i have lost leverage to ask her to follow me and my dream which she's hesitant to do , because I want to leave the country in less than a year to follow my dream .
( she's hesitant because she will be going to a new land she's not familiarized with and she will be leaving her family behind)
I love this girl with my heart like a kid that just saw and smelt rose petals for the first time.
I feel this guilt and deep sadness inside me right now because I was talking to this other girls online( nothing serious ) and i know that hurt her .
how do I fix this situation , how do I talk to her ?I know communication is the base of any long standing relationships and right now i am drawing blanks .Please help me only if you are in a long term relationship and is a really smart person which I think you are. I am in desperate need for some good advice because my relationship might be in trouble , can you help me ?
I'm not in a long term relationship but I would like to put my 2 cents in anyway .
You really need to talk to her face to face and tell her just what you told us .
Then I would suggest that you have her follow you to a computer and tell her you want her to see something .
Get into your account and pull up these girls that you were talking with and in front of her delete them all .
Let her know that you wanted her to see for herself that you deleted them because you no longer need them because you have found the girl of your dreams . Then plant a big kiss on her .
I am sure that if you talk to her and tell her what you told us then deleted the girls in front of her and told her that she was the girl of your dreams she would be putty in your hands .
Best of luck to you .I am in desperate need for some good advice because my relationship might be in trouble , can you help me ?
The only thing you can do is ';ride it out';. She has lost alot of trust for you, and its obvious you were not satisfied with her, or you would not still be looking. Its either make a commitment, or let her go.
what I would do is have a serious talk about it and let her know that you were not cheating her, did not have any intention of meeting the girls, it was friendly chat, you felt good giving them compliments on their dress and ask her if she's upset.
I don't give advice, and you don't need to ask for it. Usually, when people ';ask for advice'; they are really looking for confirmation of a decisions that they have already made.
There is a trust issue here. It is early in the relationship. If you were talking to her on the phone a lot before on the drive out to Texas, it sounds like you met her online and formed up some kind of a fantasy relationship before you actually met her.
I am in a long term relationship. It has lasted 34 years because we didn't meet online or start out with trust issues.
Well sweetheart there's really nothing you can do because looking from her eyes and I been where she is................. It destroyed not only a friendship but it made me question everything that him and I had and including my friendship with him because it lack substance! When I say substance meaning what type of relationship can you call that you were having with the other young ladies? Being a man and be honest with yourself, if it was her and other men wouldn't you be questioning within if you are making the right choices in life to be with her? I wouldn't trust you and I wouldn't understand what did they have that I didn't?????????? Sometime conversation can go to far and how do you explain that to the one you care about?????????? That's like she's taking a complete gamble on you!!!!!!!!!!!!! There isn't anything worst then being in the not knowing....... Why didn't you share with her from the door your on line relationships and show her the nature of your friendship with them?????????????? I understand her totally, she doesn't know or understand her place in life, and your so called honesty??????????????????? How can you explain the truth to a person when you kept it from them??????????? Especially when the relationship was to mean soooooo much to you????????????? Your asking her also to trust a man who maintains relationships that she has no clue about?????????? When you ask yourself about me writing relationships: ask yourself what do you call the woman online?????????? That's a lot of trust your wanting don't you think her to leave her family and everything for something that has the biggest what if???????????? As for my former friend it cost us our relationship and we never healed from it! He blamed me for me snooping and he didn't tell me either.... I am glad that I did snoop because it made me see who he really is oppose to who I thought he was!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe just maybe she thinking along the lines as I did!!!!! Him and I dated for about 3 years and hell I feel the way the brake up went, maybe I wasted three years of my life with him..... Heck I know I did................ I'm just being honest! But good Luck anyway!!!!!!!!!
Communication in a relationship is the only thing that keeps relationships going. I can't tell you how to start but I can tell you that's it is very important that you do. Just explain how you feel, be very open and honest with her. Then listen, because listening is just as important as talking. Let her know that what she thinks is just as important to you. Some times communicating is hard but thats just part of life. We as humans all go through it. Some are just better at it than others. And sometimes all it takes is a little practice. Good luck and I hope all works out for you
I dont like the other replies so....
I think you need to admit you f***ed up, get off those chatrooms and tell her your sorry. You had no intension of anything more then what it was, but that you know that kind of thing leads to more of the same. Even worse possibly encounters with other women. I know you can't see it now, but it does lead to cheating.
If your honest enough, and what you've said is true, she'll follow you.
If you think it's end within the next year or so for other reasons, I wouldn't push her to come, but to stay in contact when you leave. Buy her a plane ticket every now and again, women love going on vacation, man.
Work it out one way or another. I may have just saved you.
tell her wat you said up on your question. ill translate it into what i think you should tell her.
';i love you with all of my heart like a kid that just saw and smelt rose petals for the fist time. I feel an overwhelming guilt and deep sadness when i think of the girls i talked to online. i know it hurt you. and i would never have any intentions of hurting you. im so sorry could you forgive me?'; in my opinion you should say something along the lines of that. you need to tell her how sorry you are.
this should be an easy fix... tell her you are sorry and only like complimenting girls to make them feel good about themselves.. Just tell her u need to get this off ur shoulders so you can look towards the future.
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