SHE NEEDS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE! PLEASE HELP?

My friend needed me to post this:





She is 21 and her boyfriend is 24. They have been together for 4 years but have problems everyday. Her and her boyfriend do EVERYTHING. Meaning: Live together, On the phone 24/7, They took friends out of their lives too, etc. They fight everyday. They are both very jealous people.





Her faults: She doesnt want him to look at any female around her. She finds it disrespectful. If she catches him doing it then she will do something to make him unhappy like not smoke a cig with him. She now smokes two a day with him since she caught him smoking. She gives him trouble about going on the internet or turning the tv on because of females being on so they only watch tv when they eat dinner or go on the internet together. Meaning, they never watch any shows with attractive males or females...





His faults: He lied to her about smoking cigs and chewing until she caught him 2 years into the relationship when they moved in together. He did whatever he wanted at the beginning of their relationship: Bars, Going out with friends, movies etc... then once she turned 21 he wouldnt allow her to go out without him. He has a very bad temper but blames it on her because she gives him troubles about girls. (is this just an excuse?)





Now they sit in his apartment and fight all the time. He broke her windsheld last week... she made him leave class early because they had to be in a group with girls and she started to flipout. How did she know? He keeps her on the phone in his pocket!





Is there anyway to save their relationship with how they are? It's like they hate eachother but can't live without oneanother.





Any advice for her? Any advice about him?SHE NEEDS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE! PLEASE HELP?
Let it run it's course and there is nothing you can do but be there when she needs you, but up to a point because if all the time she is alone with you is all about complaining it can get old. Don't get involved if they argue in front of you though because that would be too much drama for me.SHE NEEDS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE! PLEASE HELP?
Well, it sounds like they both are very insecure with one another. Until they can be secure with themselves, they wont be able to have a functional relationship. I know how it can be with being jealous. When my husband and I first got together, i was very jealous of any other girl who might talk to him or look at him. Now that we've been married for two years, and Im comfortable with who I am and where I am at in my life, Im not jealous. When we cold be OK with who we were, then we were OK with each other. We have a great relationship now.
They choose to be in that relationship. They're not married and don't have kids together. There is nothing in that relationship that is keeping them together but themselves. If in 2009 you can choose to leave your husband after a year of ';marriage'; and divorce him because he cheated or didn't cheat., but two people that are in a ridiculous ';relationship';, where they are both so obviously unhappy with each other, can't break up and move on to live a much happier life with someone else. Move on you two! You don't owe each other anything. Break up with each other nicely, and forget about all the drama and go enjoy the adventure.
She needs to LOOSEN UP!!!! Or they are going to get into a HUGE fight and someone is going to get hurt because of bottled up anger or they are going to hate eachother. They need to give eachother more freedom the relationship iss sooo not healthy.
move on
Wow I wish that my marital problems were like these instead of the crap I put up with, get into marriage counseling and get a good one. Oh and make sure that you both agree to stay with the counselor till the counselor gets you to the point he wants. Also get the hubby to get on anti-depressants he might have anxiety.. It shouldn't be hard to not look at girls when she's there but harder not to look at them when she's gone..
First I must ask have you shown this request for advise to your friend's wife or husband? I am curious. If you are a friend whose friend are you? If you say a friend of the family..........wrong answer. If you say I was his or her friend first we are getting some where! Now sport tell me which is it.





Here is why I asked. Some one has confidence in you. I do not want to assume anything. But let us consider this. If you are male writing on her behalf or a female writing his behalf you have a potential for adding fuel to the fire. If however you are female writing on her behalf and male writing on his behalf you are on track but skating on thin ice. You are the next subject of contention.





Okay all of that made clear as muddy water we must now announce ';Huston to control crew we have a problem'; Diagnosis of the Problem is both individuals suffer from identification crisis phenomenon manic impulsive control tendencies with personality behavioral deficiencies. These individuals feed their neurosis by superimposing their individual preferences on the other. while denying the other the right to think and act independently.





Treatment. Because these two personalities have developed under similar situations, circumstances and conditions independently over 21 and 24 years their psyche is rigid and unyielding. Both individuals have to be thought to respect that each individual has the right to think and act for him or her selves without interference. As their friend give this response to both of them sealed in envelopes. Include the names of three local psychologists, Three sociologists three clinical therapists along with instructions of how to contact each of the professionals to set up individual and group appointments. Have them have an initial screening by each professional to see which professional they can work with best.





Prognosis. Since years of neglect missed opportunities have culminated in the behavioral deficiencies and development of these two young adults a significant allotment of time into roll reversal therapy is highly recommended. Hopefully with time and therapy these individuals can become normal functioning individuals who may be able to curb their toxic control of each other.





Failing to recognize the above I see no long term hope for these two people living and peacefully co existing in a respectful way. if they continue to spy and pry, lie and deny their uncontrollable desire to live the others life without consideration for how the impact each other negatively.





Other then the above they are normal. Honestly most people would like to control their spouses that way but one re-bells the other reacts and abuse quickly follows. The domestic scene becomes chronic arguments with the potential for injury and death crime and punishment.





I have elected to discuss the symptoms not the incidents. My recommendation is to attack the cause not the symptoms thereby eliminating the root cause.





This all calls for a professional help. Hope they can afford it.Look it does not matter they love each other love has nothing to do with manipulation and control. They will continue to do the same things to new partners until they individually check them selves for therapeutics help. I either of your friends need a quick encouragement let them drop me an email. I'll respond





Good luck sport.





Hope this helps





Next time
Any advice for her?


Half the world's population is female, and her flipping out every time he might see another female is flaming ridiculous! She needs serious help. She either has major league control issues or major league insecurity issues 9or both), which will end this relationship sooner or later UNLESS she gets help to get a handle on HER problems.


Any advice about him?


He is just as bad. He was allowed to go out alone, partying and drinking, until she came of age, NOW they can't go out at all? ';...He did whatever he wanted at the beginning of their relationship...when once she turned 21 he wouldnt allow her to go out without him.'; Talk about the double standard thing. That gets the thumbs down too.


They are not only not good for each other, neither seems mature enough to be in any sort of relationship at all.
This is not a relationship It is co-dependency to the extreme They made each other their prison and prison guard.


This has nothing to do with love, but everything with control and lack of self esteem. If she is scared of loosing him she is doing a great job of driving him away. If he is trying to keep her in line he is doing a great job to becoming an abuser.


The are as bad as each other and will succeed in making each other totally miserable They do not need YA! The need professional help and even then I think it may be a waste of time.