I REALLY need relationship advice right now! PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ?

I'll try to keep this as short as possible for you guys to read.. to those of you who take the time to help me I REALLY appreciate it more than you know..





OK. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We were friends for about 3 years before we started dating, so we have a lot of history. When we started dating, we started to live together. We rushed into it, I know, and as a result of that, we started going through some tough times and fighting alot and then after about 7 months, we decided to take some space and move out. We broke up for about 2 months, and both saw other people (but still talked and saw eachother too) during that time but then realized that we wanted to be together again, so that is exactly what we did. It has never been the same since then. I guess we both cant really get over the fact that we were both with other people. We try to move past it, but it is always in the back of our minds. It sounds soo immature and yes we were broken up but were both very stubborn people and its very hard for us to let it go I guess..





That isnt the only problem. That was just the icing on the cake.. we have conflicting personalities. We love eachother so so sooo much and really do want things to work but we're both very stubborn people and its not easy for us to change our ways. I want him to be more romantic and be a little more calm and not so uptight all the time, and he wants me to stop having an attitude and being so uptight all the time. Atleast once or twice a day we bicker and argue.. I dont understand how two people who love eachother so much could ruin things so bad between them..





AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, HE IS GOING INTO THE MARINES IN MARCH! I was willing to stick with him through it but what is the point if all we are going to do is fight and self destruct?





PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO HERE. We try to let eachother go and move on and IT DOES NOT WORK! We always end up right back to the same place again because we love eachother and miss eachother too much to just let it go but we are not changing obviously.. HELP PLEASE.I REALLY need relationship advice right now! PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ?
This isn't working because you both seem a little too young and immature.





You both have to realize that 1--you can't change a person unless that person wants to change and 2--there was life before you two met and started dating and that past is just that...the past.





I personally think that you two should stay separated. He's going to Marine Corp boot camp and that will change him. When he comes back, he may not be the same person you knew and that can make or break a relationship. Be friends and supportive but don't rush into a relationship because it just seems that you two are in a weird cycle and he will be going through a major change in life. If down the road you two decide to start all over again, do it when you are more mature.I REALLY need relationship advice right now! PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ?
And yall probably will never change. I have been with my husband for 5 years and we have tried the you change this and I'll change this thing, never works. So this is the advice. Either move on and now matter how much you miss each other just remember its never going to work and stop going back to one another. If one of yall have to be a b*tch or a a$$ hole then so be it. But one of yall have to grow up and cut it out for real even if it takes someone not picking up the phone when the other calls or changing your number. Or you can just deal with how you are and he is and just be with each other and be happy you have someone to be with. But yall going to have to get over the fact that yall were with other people. You weren't even together at the time so get over it. Its not like he was your only or you were is only I'm sure you were with some guys before he came along and I'm sure he was with some chicks before you came along. Really either way someone has to grow up here. Hope yall can work it out but really don't get your hopes set on changes cause they probably aren't going to happen.
break up; you chose to play house with no commitment and failed to work at YOUR relationship. because of this, you cheated on the BOND you had which is now broken.





You will always carry the feeling that each other cheated...and now, besides working with trying to keep a relationship alive...you will have TRUST issues.





Learn from this and move on
You can't get over it because you are young teenagers.





I was in my early teens when my bf (now hubby) went in the marines...we saw others but didn't speak of it much. Everyone needs to sow their wild oats at sometime or another. He returned to me and at the end of the day that's what matters most...





On some level you'll have to let it go or break up. As for the rest - bickering and garbage - that's teenage love too and you either determine you AREN'T going to act that way and stick to it or again, break up.
First of all you sound quite young. I dont understand how people can say oh we love each other SOOOO much but then cant get past little things, or cant seem to like each other the way they are.





You should love some one for who they are without having to want them to change and vise versa.





My ex husband and i were kinda the same... i thought i loved him but i coundt stand his ';im better that everyone'; personality.. after about 3 years i realized i didnt really love him and i just thought i did because it was easier to be with him than be alone... now that hes gone i am SOOO much happier
Well...I've been in the same type of marriage for 10yrs and things still haven't changed..The reason I haven't left yet is the kids..We have 2 boys that I simply love to death and couldn't spend a night away from them so I sacrifice my happiness to be with them..If we didn't have kids I would of left a longtime ago...My point..You deserve to be happy in life..Go be happy...
The fact that you guys keep going back to each other tells me there is a genuine love there between you. Girl, that is so rare to find these days. That is also worth fighting for because you wil both regret it the rest of your lives if you don't fight. Also, he is going into the Marines? MY daughter's husband spent a year in Cuba and a year in Iraq. He had her to thin about coming home to and it does make a difference to a guy stuck in those type places. Sit down with some one (It doesn't have to be a counselor, maybe a friend) and talk through it. Sometimes two people can be in love but are just incompatible. If that is the case, you will always probably love him but yu sure do not want to get married unless you can sort through the real problem.





John
Sounds like you still love him you need to sit down with a counselor and find out or you need to read a great relationship book to see if anything can be fixed like 5 love languages by dr chapman
Time away while he is at boot camp actually may help you guys here. You guys want to make it work and you need to come up with a way to stop fighting and accept each other as you are. It honestly sounds like you guys do have issues with the separation, but you were with others before you were together the first time, you split and found each other again.





I have never done this, but I just remembered a friends wedding. The minister gave them each fake roses, and they set a table at the end of the hallway. The minister said that if one was upset with the other, they shouldn't fight about it. They should take a rose out of the vase and lay it on the table. Then the other one knew they needed to talk. For some reason it apparently worked. They were two of the most stubborn people I had ever met, but with the rose they knew that they needed to talk without yelling. I have no idea if it would work for you guys, but hey it's worth a shot.
It's not that hard to stop bickering. You simply STOP. It takes two to argue, so if either one of you wanted badly enough for this unhealthy relationship to change, one of you would refuse to participate in the arguments. At least one of you should love the other enough to capitulate and defuse the situation.





You need far more than two months apart before you throw up your hands and say that moving on ';does not work';. This relationship simply sounds toxic and immature and, frankly, broken. The only advice I can offer is putting more effort into breaking up and moving forward with your individual lives.
Well if it keeps going like it is one of you will eventually let go and move on and the other won't have a choice. If either of you are the type that has to hurt back when hurt, I don't see it ever working. That tit for tat game has destroyed many relationships and yet there are so many people that feel they must avenge themselves. I don't get it.


It would be easier to help if I had a clue what you fight about, but I think most arguments occur over trivial things that really shouldn't matter. So what he doesn't wash the dishes the way you do, at least they are getting done!


Step back and think about all the things you quarrel about? How many of them are really important or destructive? Try to stop wasting time with the smaller, trivial stuff and work on those.